Friends
by AddictedtoTVShows
Summary: Once upon a time meets Friends, where Regina is Monica, Robin Hood is Chandler, Marian is Janice, Snow is Rachel, Charming is Ross, Emma is Phoebe and Hook is Joey- sort of. It's better than it sounds!
1. Chapter 1

**So I started a new story, again. I'm sorry I'm not very good at this. I will continue The Whole Truth though! This fic is inspired by Friends, so if you watched it, you might be able to recognize things. If not, no problem, the story speaks for itself. I hope you enjoy! **

* * *

_The One With The Dozen Pepper Flaked Lasagnas_

Regina was on the phone, trying to have a normal conversation with the person on the other side of the line. 'Mother Superior, please lower your voice! If you would have requested vegetarian lasagna, I would have made vegetarian lasagna.' The nunnery was having a little party since they once again managed to get together the rent this year. Blue had asked Regina if she could make a dozen lasagnas, since Granny was too busy. Regina, trying to be civil, had accepted and worked all weekend to make the lasagnas. However, now it seemed that she would be stuck with them. Regina waited as Blue ranted on the other side of the phone. 'Well, the meat's only every third layer, maybe you could scrape.' Regina smirked, before she put the phone down. The smirk left her mouth very soon, however, when she glanced at the dozen lasagnas on her counter.

* * *

Regina had already gone rid of five lasagna dishes. She ate one with Henry last night, gave one to the Charmings, one to Emma and her pining pirate, another to Kathryn and her new boyfriend and even offered one to Belle, which she fortunately took. She decided to bring two to Granny's as well.

So here she was, grunting, while she tried to open the door with two lasagna dishes in her arms. She smiled in thanks when Archie helped her with the door. It was a busy night at Granny's, with the dwarves, Philip and Aurora, Sean and Ashley and some other residents all having dinner.

Red came towards her with a big grin and took the lasagnas from her, placing them on the counter. Within seconds, the dwarves scurried forward, trying to get a piece of the lasagna. The smell of warm pasta and tomato sauce had the hold dinner turning around. The dwarves were already poking into the lasagna with some forks, when Granny slapped them on their fingers with a spatula and told them to wait for their turn. Finally, Ruby helped serve the lasagna and everybody got a piece.

Grumpy was just about to dive in when Regina asked with a sly smile: 'Are you sure you are going to eat that? The _Evil _queen made it, it might be poisoned.' Grumpy stared at her suspiciously for a second, then let out a loud laugh. 'Nah, sister. I've been told that's just red pepper flakes, supposed to give it a kick.' And with a wink he started devouring his pasta.

Regina couldn't help but smile as she turned around, walking towards the door. 'Regina, you don't want to stay for a piece of lasagna?' Ruby shouted from behind the counter. Regina turned, feeling warmth spread through her body because of the offer. She remembered a time when it was all a lot different. She declined anyway. 'No, there is something I have to do. Besides, I have seen enough lasagna to last me a lifetime.'

* * *

Regina was driving her Mercedes, now and then shooting a glance to the passenger side where four dishes of lasagna were balancing on the seat. She stared through the darkness outside, making a turn to the right. After another five minutes, she reached her destination and turned the keys. Then she just sat there for a moment, alone in the dark, thinking if this was such a good idea. Finally, she sighed and pulled the keys out of the ignition. When she stepped out of her car, she could feel the cold seep into her coat and smell the pine trees and the smoke from the campfires. She rounded the car, picked up two of the lasagnas and made her way towards the sounds of laughter and talking coming from the clearing in the woods.

When she finally stopped behind the circle of mean around the fire, she immediately saw Robin. She took in a deep breath and froze. She shouldn't have come, she couldn't do this. Robin was sitting besides Marian, warming her hands between his. After a moment he looked up and caught her eyes. Regina could see the surprise on his face and all he did was stare. Regina didn't know what to do. Looking into his eyes made her fall back in love all over again. She could feel the tears staring to well up in her eyes and was about to turn around when she heard a screech: 'Ginaaa!' Before she well could comprehend where the sound came from, she felt little hands tugging at her pants leg.

She crouched down, balancing the lasagna in her arms. 'Hello Roland, how are you doing?' She smiled. Roland started to chatter and Regina caught only half of his stories as Robin approached her. '-John dropped my monkey and now it is diwty!' Roland finally finished as Robin scooped him up. 'Regina,' he exhaled, 'what are you doing here?' Regina looked past him and saw that Marian was standing a few feet behind Robin and all the men at the fire had turned. 'I had quite some lasagna left, so I thought I'd bring some over to your camp. I have more in the car.' Regina explained, not really knowing where to look.

Robin was still practically gaping at her, so Little John stepped in, taking the dishes from Regina's arms. 'Thank you, your Majesty, we will find a good use for these!' Little John grinned, happy with the foresight of something else to eat than rabbit and beans. 'Yes, well, this will probably the only time I won't ask for some restraint at the buffet.' Regina smirked, adding: 'There's more in my car, feel free to take it.' John made a little bow, filled with happiness as he scurried away to her car.

'I… I should be going.' Regina said, not knowing what to do with her hands now they were empty. Before Robin could object, Regina ruffled Roland's hair and turned around.

'Bye, R'gina!' Roland shouted. Regina turned around one last time, using her last willpower to grip herself together.

'Bye, Roland, sleep tight!' She looked over at Robin, a deep frown between his eyebrows. 'Goodnight Robin.' She nodded, before she finally walked to her car.

Marian came up to Robin, hand on his shoulder. She looked at him for a second, but when he didn't look back she took Roland and walked back to the fire. When Regina was long forgotten and everybody was eating lasagna, Robin finally said into the night: 'Goodnight Regina.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the next one! I hope you like it! I'd love to hear your opinion and tips are always appreciated :)**

* * *

_The One With The Old Boyfriends Ritual_

Where Emma and Snow try to help Regina getting over Robin.

Regina is sitting at Granny's with a cup of coffee in front of her. The coffee has gone cold a long time ago and now she is just stirring it with her spoon. She is staring into space, a frown on her face, trying very hard not to think of a certain person. The bell of the diner can be heard, signaling people coming in. Regina, however, doesn't hear a thing. When two people flop down into the booth in front of her, she startles.

'What's with the frown?' The blonde in front of her asks. The brunette besides her, on the other hand, has an earnest look on her face while looking at Regina. Regina really isn't up for this heart to heart and the pitying looks from Snow.

'That's none of your business, miss Swan.' Regina responds briskly.

Emma looks shocked, surprised by the sudden outburst. '_Miss Swan_?', she huffs, 'Are we back to this crap again?' Eyeing the storm on Regina's face, she adds quickly: 'Will you please tell us what's wrong?'

'Emma is right, Regina.' Snow finally piped up too. 'It's not healthy to bottle up your feelings.'

Regina let out a short huff, packed her bag and stood up. She threw a few dollars on the table for the coffee and before Emma or Snow could say anything else, she left the diner.

Regina walked out of the diner, grumbling. Since she redeemed herself, she finally could somewhat get along with the Charmings and their Savior, but that didn't mean she would invite the ladies over to tell each other their secrets and braid each other hair. 'Regina, wait!' She heard Snow call out behind her. She really wasn't in the mood for this, not after all that had happened with Robin and Marian. True, it was a month ago and she and Emma had buried the hatchet. After she saw how happy Roland was, she couldn't deny that this was maybe the best. Villains don't deserve happy ending after all. With a sigh, she came to a halt and waited for Emma and Snow to catch up with her.

'Regina, will you please tell us what's wrong? We don't want to pry, but we also don't want to see you hurt.' Snow said seriously.

Regina finally snapped. 'Fine! You want to know why I am upset? I am upset, because today is Valentine's Day and I was supposed to spend it with Robin, but since his back-to-the-future-bride is back, I will be alone! Again!' She seethed.

Snow and Emma looked at her with pained faces. 'I still am really sorry, Regina.' Emma whispered. Regina looked at her and saw the guilt on her face. Of course she knew Emma was sorry, that didn't make it any less painful though.

Snow finally broke the awkward silence. 'Well, maybe we could make a girls night out of Valentine's Day, to help you forget Robin.' Snow proposed. 'David and I couldn't find a babysitter, so we weren't planning on doing anything special anyway. I'm sure he can handle it on his own.' Regina wasn't convinced. This was exactly the thing she didn't want to do. Talk about rainbows and unicorns with her stepdaughter. However, she really could use some distraction. Before she had made a decision, Emma called out: 'Yeah! Ruby once told me, if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual!'  
Regina snorted. 'Emma, this woman ate her last boyfriend.'

Snow and Emma could both see the smile that was tugging at Regina's lips though. So Snow chanted: 'I'll bring the alcohol!' followed by Emma cheering: 'I'll bring all of Walsh' stuff to burn!' Regina couldn't help but smile now. 'Fine, I will come to your apartment at eight.'

While Snow and Emma walked off, discussing where they would dump Charming, baby Neal and Hook, Regina walked home. Maybe this day wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

'Sooo, Ruby told me the first step is throwing in some sage and sacramental wine…' Emma told the two women in front of her with a grin on her face. Snow opened her mouth to say something, but decided to keep all jokes inside and walked towards her cupboard.

After a few minutes of rummaging, Snow came back with a few items in her hands, saying: 'All I could find is oregano and Fresca.'

'It will have to do!' Emma smiled, throwing in the ingredients. 'Well, the rest is a bit…vague… and we don't have semen, so… I guess now is the time to start throwing in stuff of old boyfriends!' Regina and Snow cast each other a confused look, but Emma was already throwing stuff into the fire. Emma just threw a dried rose into the bin they used to contain the fire when Snow asked: 'How did you even end up with Walsh?'

Emma shrugged. 'I don't know. I think I'm some kind of flying monkey magnet. Or ogre magnet. Or just any mythical creature for that matter.'

Snow laughed, while Regina snorted. 'Don't you want to throw anything in Regina?' Snow asked while throwing in the receipt of her drink with Dr. Whale. 'I-

Before she could finish, she saw Emma throwing in some rum, causing a burst of flame to shoot out of the bin. The women all screeched and Snow quickly took the fire extinguisher.

When Snow finally put down the red bus, all the ladies where covered in white foam.

'Well, at least now we can pretend it is Christmas!' Emma simpered.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for the follows, favorites and reviews, they make my day! To answer the Guest: I know it is very unlikely for MM to still have a receipt from her date with Whale, but this story is just for fun. I never intended to write something very serious :) To Guest 17: Thank you some much! I'll try to make it as much Friend-ish as I can, with Granny's being Central Perk and using quote's! I hope you'll continue to like it  
**

**Now on to the story, enjoy!**

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_The One With The Dirty Talk_

In which Hook learns Charming how to talk dirty.

They finally had some time for each other. Baby Neal was fast asleep in Henry's room, Emma was staying with Hook for the night and Henry was at Regina's. So when Charming pushed Snow on the bed, she giggled and pulled him down with her. They started a frenzied kissing, losing some clothes here and there, when finally, Snow was panting on top of Charming's chest. She gave him a peck on the lips and wiggled her hips to add some pressure to his still covered groin, when she breathed: 'Say something…hot.' She grinned devilishly and pressed her forehead against his. David grinned as well and pushed her over. 'Well, Snow… you are… er… I wanna… um…' Snow raised her brow and asked seductively: 'What?' 'Um… uh…vulva!' Charming blurted out. Snow didn't know how to respond. Finally she settled with: 'That's alright honey. Let's just…let's just cuddle, okay?' Snow draped an arm over his chest en nestled again his shoulder, leaving Charming awake in her arms all night, contemplating on how to talk dirty.

* * *

'You need my help for what now, mate?' Hook asked amused. Hook had just dropped Emma off at Granny's, where she, Regina and Henry were having lunch. When he'd left the diner, he saw the prince almost running towards him. When the charming husband finally stopped in front of him and said to him without breathing: 'I need you to learn me how to speak dirty!', he could only grin.

Hook was now walking back to his boat with Charming walking besides him. 'I don't like to admit this, but I need your help. You have experience with this, your day is filled with innuendos!' Hook cast him a bemused look over his shoulder before walking on deck of his ship. 'Very well then. I, Captain of sexual suggestions and intimate innuendos, will teach you the art of talking dirty!' Hook exclaimed, turning around on his heels, now facing Charming, with the widest grin on his face.

* * *

The two decided to move the conversation to a more private place, placing them in the captain's quarter. Hook sat behind his desk, legs crossed on the corner with Charming on the other side.

'Since not everybody masters the art of sexual suggestion, I will merely learn you how to… talk dirty, as you call it. All you need to do, is tell her what you want to do to her and what you want her to do to you. Got it?'

Charming nodded uncomfortably. 'Well go ahead then, mate. It's not gonna do it on its own!' Hook said briskly, waving his hand and hook in a gesture to indicate Charming should start.

'Right… uh…' Charming stammered.

'If you can't even talk dirty to me, how in the bloody hell are you going to talk dirty to your lovely wife? Now get on with it!' Hook yelled. 'Just close your eyes and tell me what you'd like to do to me.' Hook said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Charming wanted to protest again, but then figured he could better get this thing over with. He closed his eyes and pictured Snow. 'I… I want to feel your hot, soft skin with my lips.

Hook nodded. 'That wasn't all that bad, mate, continue.'

'Alright,' Charming started, 'I want to… I want to take my tongue and, and… and run it all over your body, 'till you're trembling with-'

Charming, still with his eyes closed, heard a stump on the wood. Slowly he opened his eyes and saw Hook looking terrified at the stairs behind him. When he turned, he heard:

'Well now, you two love birds, please don't stop on my account!' Mr. Gold was grinning like a Cheshire cat when he came down the stairs. 'I actually had a question for the crocodile, but since you two are busy, I'll leave you two to it.' With a chuckle he exited the ship and Charming promised himself he would never talk dirty again.


End file.
